Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
