addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
