just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize