Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
