barbara walters just said penis...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
