just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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