At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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