the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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