im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
