please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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