Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
