call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
