Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize