apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
