Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
