I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
