Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
