you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
