she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
