There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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