what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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