I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
