I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
