my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
