apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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