wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
