i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
