Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
