our cab driver is having phone sex.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
