I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
