I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
