mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
