the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
