My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
How external is "for external use only"?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
