Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
