Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
