i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We need to rekindle our bromance
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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