I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
