Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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