i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
