I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It was confusing and full of hummus
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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