im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have aggressive nipples.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
