You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
