five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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