yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
