I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
