Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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