I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
