oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
