I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
