it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
