we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
