she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
