rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
