After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
