And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
