I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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