I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She told me I should be a condom model.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
