i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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