every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
