This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
