You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
