I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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