East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
