He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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