Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
