i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
