I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
