So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You did what with his pubic hair?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
