I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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