My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
