dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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