two words: eviction party
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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