just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
