What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
